Hangover Cure Reviews #1

Recently I made the move from good ol’ Jersey to Brooklyn,and the last couple of weeks have been a pretty interesting experience. I made this migration from my place of origin for a couple reasons, but the main one was making my daily commute easier (and getting the fuck out of my parents’attic). My under 20 minute commute on then L train kicks the shit out of my 1-3 hour commute on the godforsaken #33 bus. The only issue with the whole deal is convenience of it, which leads to the temptation to stay out late and wake up approximately 20 minutes before I have to be in my office. The cheap (almost college cheap) beer is also not contributing positively to my punctuality. So basically I had two choices in how to handle this matter. Either I quit drinking during the work week (which is almost impossible if you live in the McKibbin Lofts) or I find an actual working hangover cure that will make my morning’s a less excruciating experience. So this leads to the point of this series of posts that consists of on an ongoing review of various hangover cures and remedies that I have encountered.

    
    
Blowfish

One of my roommates is supplied this stuff at his office, but him nobody ever uses it. My apartment decided to take advantage of this opportunity and have him snag some for those who needed it. For a week they remained untouched and untouched pile on our kitchen table. Then one morning after a night of poor decisions involving slicing my finger open picking a lock and using a combination of toilet paper and floss as a bandage, I decided that it was go time for Blowfish. It kind of works like an Alka Seltzer in the sense that you dissolve tablets in water. It doesn't taste particularly good, but none of these things ever do.  There is a sudden burst of energy experience, but I would not describe the feeling as are turn to normalcy. If you don’t do well with straight caffeine exhilaration,then this is certainly not the remedy for you. Supposedly it only has 120 mgs of caffeine, but it gave me the shakes for about two hours. To conclude, Blowfish is a good solution if you’re looking to get out of your apartment, but not if you actually have things to do once you leave.

CoconutWater (Vita Coco)

This Shit. So I first tried Coconut Water when I was still in college living in an apartment above a bar. My roommate who was on a super cleanse/diet kick told me I should give it a shot considering the regular amount of “shots” I was taking downstairs (Corny Joke). At the time there was a lot of hype about Coconut water being this ultimate health concoction that basically made you   a more able-bodied human organism….and conveniently cures hangovers. What they don’t tell you is that it tastes like what I imagine old smegma would taste like. My four roommates bought one 16 oz pack of Vita Coco for the four of us and this thing lasted in our fridge for about 2 weeks. We had to be innovative about how we drank it just to make the experience slightly more pleasant. This involved mixing it with juice, watering it down, and then finally taking group shots ofit. I will say though, it does work. It produces the type of feeling you get after you just did something beneficial for yourself/the opposite of what you did the night prior. The taste coconut water also has the ability to induce vomiting…which also makes you feel better.

Mercy

Does not work at all. I found this fake preventative cure in a bodega by my place one very drunken night. I truly believed and wanted so much for this to work. Nothing but lies. It tastes okay, but possibly makes you feel even worse in the morning. 

You suck.